Several months ago, I had a vision of something I have always wanted to happen, coming true in my future. The movie reel highlight that played in my head felt so real that it shortened my breath and gave me an overwhelming feeling of pure giddiness in my spirit and goosebumps up and down my arms!
In that moment, I took what I had seen in my head before the Lord and just asked, "is this really going to happen? I need to know because I don't want to get my hopes up if this was something that my brain just made up in order to torture me." He didn't really give me a solid answer. As the days have continued to pass, I have wondered what do I do with what I saw? Do I hope for it and pursue it with all my heart? Or do I sit back and wait for things to unfold?
There have been times when I have pursued something with all of my heart and found myself at the end gaining what I set out for. Likewise, there have been times when I have wanted something with everything inside of me and it falls like sand through my finger tips no matter how tightly I hold on. Am I speaking anyones language?
As I drove to work this morning, I thought about my vision again and got honest before the Lord, "God, I'm scared to pursue that with all of my heart because I'm afraid that I'm wrong about what I saw. And I don't know that my heart can take the deep hurt that would occur if I didn't get what I wanted. I know that I COULD pray for this to come true, to receive what my heart longs for. I know that you're a good Father who delights in giving your children what they want. But you're also a good Father who gives us what we need even when we don't realize it. So all my prayers would be a waste and my heart crushed. I can't take that." And in the way that He tends to respond to me in these moments (i.e. a big compassionate sigh complete with a loving smile and much patience), He answered, "What if instead of praying for what you want, you pray to want what I want for you?" I paused before responding, "Well, yeah....that's a thought."
So, my friends, in this moment, I'm able to tell you that I'm praying to want what God wants for me. And I'm wondering who out there has a desire in their heart that they're scared to pursue, don't want to get their hopes up about, and feels more comfortable staying in the box. If we really believe that God gives us what we need, can we believe that what He wants for us is better than what we want for ourselves? What if instead of getting your hopes up, you placed your hopes in God's hands? What would happen if you said, "okay God, help me to want what you want for me."
God is too good and cares about us too much to give us what we want when what we want is not what is best for us. What is the next step for you? What would it take for you to believe that? Bring it to God, pour out your heart and see how He responds....I bet you'll be surprised at how things work out.